Refresh.

refresh

I pick myself up from my bed after spending 4 hours crying my heart out. I find my way to the bay window across the room. I glance out at the sky and see the sun gently sinking herself… I looked down on the lawn and watch my little brother playing with his toy car. He seemed really happy. Little did he know, what his own sister is going through…

I can vaguely hear my favourite sitcom playing on TV. Must be my father’s  desperate efforts to cheer me up.

I now find myself staring at nothing in particular. The events of yesterday night rush through my head so fast and scratch my heart again and again. It was the night I lost my best friend to someone so pathetic. I never knew our friendship was so fragile. It was the night every ‘is’ turned into a ‘was’. It was the night my choices were jeered. It was the night I lost all things fake.

I try to slowly melt away all the hateful words that were stabbed into me. I still can feel the wound in my heart. I try to accept the reality. I try to accept the fact that my friendship was materialistic to people. I try to accept the fact that I was the cup to someone’s thirst not the water itself. I try. I can only try.

I can still feel the tears on my cheeks. I wipe them away with my hands. The hands, which always wanted to be there for a friend. The hands, which were always there to lend. The hands, which always wanted to help. The hands, which now comforts no one but me.

I realised, I have to support myself. I have to anchor my dreams. I have to be my own best friend. I am sure, eventually I will find my real friend, but until then I need to take care of myself. No one can appreciate my choices more than me. I need myself.

I walk over to my washroom and wash my face. I let the cold water take away all the dirt from my life. I let the pain wash away. I let the agony drain. I let everything loose. I dry my face and look at the mirror. I see someone new. She is independent. She is free. She is pure. She is calm. She is me.

When life pushed me into a pit, I hit the refresh button. The scars might still be there, but now it is a reminder to think of every full stop as the end of a chapter and not the end of a story…

I’m proud of the scars in my soul. They remind me that I have an intense life.
~Paulo Coelho

Take care

From the not so-

Purrfectgirl

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Being 'Weird' is Good. Being 'You' is Awesome.

7 thoughts on “Refresh.

  1. I like this.
    Its similer to what I’m going through at the moment!
    The message is true, we are all alone in this world really. We should never depend on others for happiness because most likely people do not stay around forever.

    1. HeyLo Rissa,

      Thanks for the comment !
      I feel it is very important for an individual to love himself and to enjoy the company of his heart. Also, we need to understand that some of the fake things, will always come to an end no matter whether you want it to or not… But it is up to us, whether to pick up our lives and start a new journey again or to sit in the dark and let it abrade you…
      Once again, thanks for checking out my post !
      Be happy 🙂 You have the got the best person in the world with you… : ‘YOU’

      From the not so-
      Purrfectgirl.

    1. HeyLo Niranjana,

      I understand. I lost my friend recently too…
      It is hard to get over something like this. But then it is also important to not to loose ourselves in this journey 🙂 …

      Take care 🙂

A glass of whiskey for your perspective?!

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