I feel drained. My creative senses are still running at a pretty good speed, but my mind just doesn’t seem to settle with a thought. There is a chaotic train of unnecessary images disrupting my present priorities.
I’ve to exert so much pressure on myself to even do the simplest of tasks. The vivacity of words that had once been mine is nowhere to be found in my messy head space. I have lost control over the way I weave perceptions into letters and images.
s i g h.
My fingers have forgotten what it feels like to create something that tickles my soul pink. I am rejecting myself more than the entire universe. My mind keeps racing over to the red flags I’ve shown myself.
Even as I type this, my fingers hesitate with each key that I tap.
Am I even doing “life” right?
It isn’t as music videos show it – Life. Sometimes, even the longest of drives and hardest of rains cannot echo what’s shattering inside you.
What sucks more is that I have to gasp in all these negative emotions throughout the day and keep a placid face, because faking a smile is so much more easier than explaining what I am going through. Also, face it – No one really cares.
Everything that feels so right when the sun smiles upon it just seems so daunting at night when the shadows go into hiding.
I don’t really know how to explain this emotion that I am going through. I don’t even know if there is an adjective out there to describe what I am feeling.
I am just barely existing these days. Everything seems mechanical and plain. I’ve gotten so much more skeptical than I was before. My brain blows up petty actions of people into big unrealistic motives sought to hinder my life.
I have friends to talk to. I have a home to go to. I have all the oxygen I need to live. Yet, when I think about it, none of this is really mine.
O v e r t h i n k i n g.
Even though I am mentally aware of this exasperating emotion, I am not able to get rid of it. With every perfect day, follows an afflicting night.
I a m t i r e d.